Sans-Filter Sunday!
Now publiééé!
If you’re confused by this post, it’s okayyy.

Every 2 weeks, I write a short blurb of thoughts almost UN-edited about something I’m currently thinking about.
It’s called Sans-Filter Sunday (SFS).
The subject and treatments are rawer or more controversial than what I usually write or podcast about.

SFS used to be only for PeaCreaTribe members, partially because I was afraid to share it with the world at large.  However, the amount of positive feedback I got about it finally gave me the strength to put it on my blog.

Thanks again to the PeaCreaTribe to help me be myself in public.

So this week’s SFS is titled :

What do you do when it hurts?

A friend asked me recently:
“What are things that hurt you ?”

It took me a while to answer because it sounded like an important question and I don’t like to half-ass-answer important questions.

I thought about it and in the end, I said ‘everything’.

In that moment, I couldn’t pinpoint particular things, persons or events that would ‘hurt’ me.
Pain is just a cloud that appears and disappears in my life.

Sometimes, I feel hurt and I construct an explanation of why that is based on the external environment:

  • maybe I realize hours after an interaction what I should’ve said,
  • maybe I get fired from my job,
  • maybe my favorite sport team lost
(one of those 3 affirmations is complete bullshit, you get a kiss on a cheek of your choice if you find it).

But upon examination it becomes clear that the external events has little to do with the pain.

Once a cashier wasn’t nice to me and it made me cry.
Another time a cashier wasn’t nice to me and I didn’t notice.

The external events have little to do with the pain.

Events & triggers

There are internal events like our thoughts & our sensations.
There are external events like the sounds, sights and people around us.

Those events trigger something inside us and sometimes that something is pain.
Rather than why it works this way and which events trigger pain in me, I’d like to address the question of

What do you do when it hurts?

I was at a concert Yesterday.
One of the band did a (convincing) cover of Hurt by NIN. Here’s the first verse

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that’s real

I disagree that pain is “the only thing that’s real”.

Love is super real.
So are donuts.

But Pain is a great way to come back to something we keep running from: the present.
The Here and Now.

I don’t purposely hurt myself to be in the Now but when an external event triggers it,
I focus on the pain
the only thing that’s real (along with donuts)

Because this is the way to heal it and truly give ourselves the love we deserve.

The external events have little to do with the pain.

Spending time & energy on external events ‘resolution’ isn’t an efficient way to heal

…it just masks the pain for some times.

Say you’re sad “because” you wanted to say something to someone but didn’t.

You can turn what you should’ve said to that person in your head for days, you can text that person, try to recreate the conditions and finally say what you wanted to say that time.

But this is all in vain.

You will feel momentarily relieved then another external event will come and bring the pain back.

Here’s what Michael Brown, author of the magnificent Presence Process recommends (and I paraphrase cause I’m too lazy to find for the exact quote):

By being with the pain when it arises, you’re giving unconditional love to yourself.
That love you were denied as a child (one way or the other) and are trying to find in the world.
You are the only one who can provide it.

So…What do you do when it hurts?

I don’t know what you do and how you ‘deal’ with the pain, but here’s what I do:


  • I ignore the external events that seemingly caused the pain
  • I make time and space for myself
  • I breath a tad faster and I focus on the pain, sometimes for 5 min sometimes for 15, sometimes just for a few moments
  • I go through my happy-check list to make sure I have the physiological and mental basis to welcome happiness (more on that later)


To be honest with you,

I wrote this as a reminder for myself.

I feel some pain at the moment and I’m not sure why.

Maybe it’s just the fall back of the happiness spike that was finding the white whitewater.

But I don’t need to know why.

All I need to do is:

  • ignore the external events that seemingly caused the pain
  • make time and space for myself
  • breath and focus on the pain
  • go through my happy-check list

and that’s what I’m going to do right now.


Served Sans-Filter by ArnaudCZ

That’s how it was supposed to end but,

after I wrote the above and followed my own advice. I did something extra that is impactful enough to be worth me f*cking up the nice conclusion of this SFS.

So I,

  • ignored the external events that seemingly caused the pain
  • made time and space for myself
  • breathed and focused on the pain
  • went through my happy-check list


I went outside and talked to those external events.
I literally said everything that came through my mind regarding what could’ve possibly caused the pain.

I talked with people who were not there & I talked with my inner child, I talked with Life itself.

And it felt great!

Notice that I do that after I spent time with the pain itself, so that the healing process is done.
Then I emptied the bag.

And notice that I didn’t empty the bag in order to find solutions to those external events. I focused on expression without expectation.

If it’s your First Sans-Filter Sunday

They are not all like this.

Sometimes I talk about Magic the Gathering & deodorant.

If you’re a PeaCreaTribe Member

You are still VIP <3

You receive the SFS and the podcast episode first.

You still have the ad-free version of the podcast.

There will be some Sans-Filter Sunday for PeaCreaTribe Members only (like the one from last Wednesday)

Thank you for your support.

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